I think you'll find it's double pneumonia

I've had a head full of yuck all week, aches and pains, etc. I haven't done any exercise at all and don't plan any today. Clearly, this can't be a simple cold. I am a man, after all. (Please feel free not to comment.) If I make it through the weekend without enduring a slow and painful death, I shall expect to be treated as a total hero and then I'll get back into the health thing.

Medical dictionaries are tremendous fun, aren't they? I believe I have some or all of the following:

Pneumonia
Tuberculosis
Ebola
Dengue Fever
West Nile Virus

I am therefore already a medical miracle and an absolute marvel. Go me!!!!!!